Happiness is when you love those who love you

We are experiencing not the easiest times, crises replace one another, politics with economy fevering, reasoning about happiness may seem inappropriate. And yet, we are talking about this with a psychotherapist Viktor Kagan.

Psychologies: Do not be immoral to want happiness for yourself when many are bad?

Victor Kagan: I think it is immoral to raise the question of whether a person has the right to be happy. Soviet power refused to us in individual happiness, it was believed that only a collective one is possible, and if yours, individual, then according to the staff.

But in the American Declaration of Independence, there is an item with which I completely agree: every person has the right to strive for happiness, as he understands him. Another question that I do for my own fortune. If I go on the heads of others, breaking the world for my goals, it is immoral, yes. But happy is so hardly you will become, and not a specialist I am in morality.

Is our happiness depends on the surrounding environment?

Depends but not defined by it. I remember someone’s photo of October 1941 – the heavier at the stop, traveling to the evacuation came out boiling water to dial, stand at the car, they talk about something and laugh … wonderfully laugh – thought that we were hardly able to laugh as much. Their life continues, why not be happy?

When I do not accept what is happening, my reactions are rejected, depression or aggression. And when you take reality, you start thinking how to live in new conditions now. Much depends on our attitude to what is happening and to itself. One will be unhappy, losing 15% of three million dollars, and the other is happy because it remains even without work, but alive! One is unhappy that there is no hamon, and the other thinks: there is a reason to try something new.

Still it is difficult to enjoy life when you do not know what you will be tomorrow ..

While the basic needs are not satisfied and lacks vital, I can take satisfaction for happiness. The level of happiness is growing as needs, but then goes to the plateau and at some point will fall. The people speak about it – "With fat,", "but this happens when the needs are satisfied, and life goals are unclear: I have everything, but why?

Do you have a definition of happiness?

I like the definition that gave one 11-year-old boy: his dad was young killed from a heart attack, and Mom tried to arrange his life, settled it out of aunt, visited him, called, but more and less. The aunts turned to me because he had difficulty in school. And it was just the day after his birthday, when Mom did not call and did not come. And he told me: "Happiness is when you love those who you love".

We think about happiness when we miss something. We are not talking about a friend – "lucky!", Having in mind that he is the same as we. We notice when he is happy. And when we are asked what you need for happiness, we call what is not enough at the moment.

They say, happiness can be measured ..

Even if it is impossible to determine, then how to measure? There are two sides of happiness – sharp, strong feeling that does not last long. And there is a happy life: it’s about how good my life is good for me, how much she for me. But this does not mean that everything that happens to me is solid happiness. If you ask Viktor Frankl, who survived the concentration camp if he had a happy life, I think he would answer that yes. But I do not know any uniforms for all the recipes of happiness, nor ways to measure it.

Happiness is when you love those who love you

But one recipe is still there – "stop worrying and start living" ..

Completely impossible! How can I not worry? While I am alive, I worry. Opened his eyes, the sun shines – the body responded with a light stress – that it is in the eyes of the vupit? Then she did not care why the cat does not purr. Then I want to write – get up now or after 10 minutes? We worry constantly.

The second impossible advice – "Keep yourself in the hands". Always want to ask: for what place, for the throat? Such grandmother’s psychotherapy at least a pond of a pride, but they do not work. Another thing is that you can worry – and be happy. You can even suffer – and be happy. Were there happy protopop avvakum, grigori frying pan? I think yes. Because they had a sense of movement in their life path, the feeling – "I do what I have to do".

Lonely Lea Hermit on Mount? He is in isolation. But he, first of all, in touch with God, secondly, in touch with the remaining valley. He knows that they know that he is praying here, in his inner space he is not alone and can be happy. And we suffer that we were planted for insulation ..

But the hermit is there in his will, but we do not!

One way to live your life is to choose your way even in the situation of non-free and stay free. Overcome not only walls, but also own restrictions. And for this you need to return to yourself.

Sometimes you see how many mistakes have done in life, and you regret it. But by going aside, you understand that I ran the only possible way.

I have a patient, which Quarantine came to mind, because all his anxiety she had ignored habitually. And here in the forced solitude it took time to think. With tears, hard, she is experiencing, but finally thinks. Perhaps she will say one day: Quarantine is bad, but it’s good that in my life he was.

Happiness is when you love those who love you

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