"I loved myself when I lost weight: why does the bodypositive seems to me in a deception"
Our reader shared a story about a difficult relationship with his own body and weighing. And why with the movement of a bodiposive calling on love and taking to treat any physical form, it was not on the way. Gestalt therapist Daria Petrovskaya comments on her story.
Since childhood I was a full child. In the family there was a food cult: grandmother and mom were perfectly prepared and it was believed that it was impossible to refuse. In adolescence, it became unexpectedly aware that other girls in the class look slimmer and because more beautiful. By graduation, when they had novels, I felt invisible to the opposite sex.
No, I did not cry in the corner: I had wonderful friends and a saturated life. I painted, fond of music, went to concerts. Always kept confidently, and perhaps, no one would notice that I had complexes due to weight. However, a huge amount of energy I spent to excite my uncertainty. Cheered, hid for jokes, intake ease, laugh. I loved me, but no one showed interest to me as a girl.
Why did I not take myself in my hands and did not lose weight? First, she lived with his parents, and at home constantly baked pies and cakes. In addition, the food turned into my outstage and consolation. While I ate, I was good.
I entered the design department, got involved in painting. I managed to become a member of several student exhibitions. Now interesting and non-trivial people surround me. Many of them are artists who are able to perceive beauty, not limited to the framework of standard representations. Nevertheless, I appreciated a friend, but still did not notice a woman. And I understood – everything is superfluous.
Girlfriends went on dates, they had a romantic life. I also did not sit at home, but the love sphere was closed for me. And again I continued to play the role of the one who all is in order, taking off on food.