"I want to disperse with my wife and stay friends"
I’m married for five years. At the beginning of the relationship, I myself convinced myself that I love my wife, but the last two years I don’t feel anything to her. We have no children. Sex rather resembles the execution of marital debt. I never changed. A year ago she got sick with diabetes. We live abroad, and she has no close here. I do not want life to go without love, but I’m afraid to make her hurt. Especially if she loves me. I feel responsible for her, but I understand that, taking care of her happiness, I lick my. I am tormented by a feeling of outgoing time. It should not be. I do not want to pretend, but I can’t make decisions. Became irritable, nothing pleases. I want to break up friends. It is important for me to be happy. But not with me. If I could take all the pain.
Hello Andrey! Unfortunately, it rarely happens that the marriage meets our expectations. Problems in your relationship began two years ago, whereas before that you lived for three years, in which they were pleased with their marriage. As a rule, at the beginning of the relationship we are in love and it seems to us that it will continue to continue. But love is only the beginning, at some point the relationship is inevitably losing the initial intensity, because it is impossible to be in a state of acute love all the time, it takes on all the energy that we spend in solving life tasks: work, home improvement, hobbies, Communication with friends.
When the heat falls, completely different things go to the forefront: the sincere interest in the personality of the partner and his individuality is important, respect, accepting it as it is, co-development, desire and readiness to go through life. And if love, the initial stage of relationship is that it "happens" with us, then love is married – this is what we do ourselves. The transition to this stage is difficult, many relationships break on it. We are so accustomed that in love from us it is not required that at this moment it can often seem to us that "love has passed" and it is necessary to disperse and maybe, then, with someone else we find the state of eternal love. But you need to understand that this is a normal stage of development of relations, and in other respects it will also come.
The new stage gives an opportunity that was not on the previous one: truly learn the beloved and most truly to open him. You write that, creating the happiness of my wife, losing your. But as far as it can be happy with a man who is always annoyed, nothing is happy and who is internally removed from her? The crisis in relationships can not be only your business. I am sure that your wife also feels it.
You really lose time, being in a relationship where there is no place of sincerity and intimacy of partners, but parting in your case is not the only and not primary possible way out. You can first share your feelings with your wife: His fatigue, irritation, confusion, feeling that time leaves. You can ask her how she feels today, in your marriage, in your life. From your words I had the impression that you are not very good imagine the inner world of your wife, her emotions. Perhaps in your wife’s feelings a lot of common.
It’s hard to make a decision. But the fact is that you are not obliged to do this one – this is not only your relationship, but also your wife too. Such a feeling as if you are trying to take all responsibility for your marriage. Your wife has the right to vote and responsibility for your relationship. Try to be with a friend sincerely, discuss the current situation together, it will give you the opportunity to find a way out that will come to both. Good luck!