Wedding with unloved. Whether to marry if you don’t like?
My parents literally make me get married for an unloved person, convincing that love will come later, and he is the best option – a modest, calm, devotee, loves me. Wedding in two weeks. And I never loved him. Sometimes, very rarely, I have tender feelings, but everything else is annoying me. I hardly hide my emotions. And almost always, with the exception of the moments of tenderness and irritation, he is absolutely indifferent to me. I don’t care where he is what it does, with whom is, how he has affairs and health. If he does something bad (for example, I will take my phone, it’s a penalty to the floor), I am ready to explode. I do not know how to live with it. Parents do not understand me, want me to create my family, gave birth to a child. I also want this. But he is not my man. What to do? Weddings do not avoid. I do not know how much we defeat after the celebration.
Anna, 26 years
Try to do two steps to clarify your attitude to what is happening. The first step is to imagine that you completely stopped forcing you to get married. That you were freed from the oppression of parental coercion, immediate marriage. And that you now have the opportunity to choose – get married or leave your life as it is. What are the advantages to become a "man’s wife", and what minuses – what do you feel on your feelings to lose valuable for yourself, getting married?
Space it on two half sheets. Write spontaneously, without much thought, the first thing that will be to you is now free to choose your status – come.
And then take the next step. Take another sheet of paper, divide it equally, write on one side – "pluses", to another – "minuses". Now concentrate on your relationship of co-friendly, accommodation with this "modest, calm, devoted, loving you" man and write what you like to do with it, and what is not what it is attractive for you, but what not. Then honestly answer the question: what form of relationships (and maybe and completely break) for you now best? How do you imagine a relationship with this man? In what form? On what terms? And with what share of their responsibility?
Again, write without much thought – the first thing that will come to mind. After a few hours, re-read what you happen. Perhaps, at this moment your desire is clear, intention. In this case, try to sincerely talk to this man. Tell him about my desires, fears and try to find a solution with it, arranging you as a couple. And then together decide how to build relationships with parents so that they let you go to your own adult life according to your scenario, on your way victories and mistakes.