"What boys are made from": In search of masculinity
Solid hand, Yellow Mittens, Iron discipline … What mistakes should we tell us, raising from the boys of real men?
When the son was small and we walked on the playgrounds, the Pukhlishkiy boy of the seven, whom I had a nicknamed Kolya Bun about myself. Almost every day it could be seen on the bench next to the grandmother. Usually in his hands he had a large sugar bun or package of seeds. Manner condescendingly loose around and pose he was very looked like her grandmother.
Unsupping the old woman source for grandson and contempt for "tear". Indeed, Kohl did not rush around the court, raised clouds of sand. He was not at all interested in sticks – a traumatic tool that causes inhuman horror of parents in the entire post-Soviet space. He did not push other children, did not shout, did not tear the clothes in the shreds in the bushes of Kizyl, obediently wearing a hat in May and for sure was excellent. Well, or at least a good one.
It was the perfect child who sat quietly, gently ate and listened to him that he was told. He so wanted to stand out against the background of other "bad" boys, which was completely born in the role. On his round face did not run even ripple desire to jump and run beyond the ball. However, the grandmother usually kept him by the hand and stop these prompts.
Such "Castry" Education – Common Extreme. Where many boys raise "same-sex couples" – Mom and Grandma – it becomes a forced measure, way to save my nerves, create an illusion of safety. It is not so important that then this "comfortable" boy will grow up in a sluggish respect with an excellent appetite, which will breed life on the sofa in front of the TV or for the tablet. But he will not go anywhere, will not contact a bad company and will not go to the "hot point" ..
Surprisingly, the same moms and grandmothers in the soul are cherished by a completely different image … a strong, daring, powerful patriarchal male, capable of taking responsibility and instill to solve other people’s problems. But for some reason they do not "fall out". And then it will get such a prize of a hypothetical daughter-in-law!
Another educational extreme is faith in the fact that the boy certainly needs a hard men’s hand and early independence ("The man grows!"). In advanced cases, there are urgent injections of this very masculinity – as an echo of primitive initiation rituals. How and when to include the "hard hand" mode, parents are interpreted in their own way. For example, step her friend took him to a psychiatrist on the grounds that the stepson did not like to play in the courtyard with boys and hated physical education lessons, but at the same time he spent a lot of time at home drawing comics.