What means "Nice good mother"?
From the point of view of Donald Woods Worminotta (English psychoanalyst, pediatrician and children’s psychiatrist) Mother should be for a child "Pretty good" mother; In this case "Ideal" mother is just as destructive as "Bad" mother, and, moreover, be "bad" mother for a child is better than being for him mother "Perfect".
"Nice good mother"
Development normal and pathological
Here I want to contact all mothers: Do not forget about yourself: it will be useful to your child! The older the child becomes, the greater the mother should pay attention to himself and the less the needs of the child. Such an attitude will allow the child to switch from subjective objects (which it creates in imagination) to objective objects (which exist in reality).
The real object is characterized by the fact that it can be reminiscent, plus, it will not destroy if it is to send aggression on him. A very small child does not know if you are real – he must figure it out. So, the child directs aggression to the mother, and if the mother does not stand it, then the child concludes that she is a fantasy. Fearing to destroy your favorite fantasy, he is forced to restrain himself, that is, to fake his self-assumption, forcing himself instead of aggression testing other (false) feelings.
To understand the difference between "Pretty good" Mother I "bad" and "Perfect", Consider them: see what to do is categorically not recommended.
"Ideal" Mother also contributes to creating a false me, but she "comes" on the other side. She sets the holding, but then he does not let go of the child (which is why it is so important to pay attention to yourself, its needs and interests, and gradually reduce the degree of guardianship of the child). It forms infantilism from a child – he "Used", that everything will always be done for him, and "habit" Nowhere will not go anywhere.
"Ideal" Mother satisfies the child’s need before he is aware of her. For example, feeds the child before he is hunger. Therefore, psychologists do not recommend feeding the child by the clock: from where, in the end, the child learns that he is hungry and what is hunger at all? Will not find out.
Wherein "Ideal" mother worse than "Bad", Since in the first case the child merges with his mother, he does not know reality and can not cope with it. "Bad" Mother still makes her child to know the reality and learn to react to it. However, I wish you to become for my child "Nice good" Mother.