"Who am I?»: How to break away from toxic family and become ourselves

Separating from parents, we feel more independent. Individual qualities that could not manifest themselves before, at this moment begin to actively manifest itself. If we grew up in a toxic family, it will be difficult to separate. But it is necessary to make it up to grow up and give yourself a chance for a happy life.

As an individual occurs

Separation from toxic parents is not a target, but a means to start autonomous life. A man merging with his parent in his life enjoys individual features of a mother or father. He adapts and broadcasts their attitude to the world. Followed by their rules on how to behave to whom to learn how to act in various situations, marry or not marry, with whom to communicate, who to love, how to dress and cut and so on.

During separation, the parallel process is launched naturally – an individual. An individuals of adults who have grown in a toxic medium are the embodiment of their individual characteristics that delayed due to circumstances. This is a process in which a person listens to himself, detects his desires and performs them. When separating the psyche "permits" to yourself and show the qualities that were previously prohibited by parents.

At the same time, we refuse that it was instant for us forcibly. From the unloved profession, an unloved partner, an unloved way of life and appearance that do not suit the peculiarities of behavior in society. Artificially imposed installations and values ​​begin to gradually disappear as unnecessary husks.

Individuation can be compared with the work of the sculptor, which removes unnecessary stuff to give a stone a new form. When a person consists in symbiosis with his parents, he carries unnecessary goods of their problems, projections, aggression, hatred. And in the process of separation, gradually discharges unnecessary, leaving what belongs to him – its own personality.

What is it express?

The acquisition of individuality is the process of making strong qualities and features without attempts to change them in order to someone. The transformation concerns attitudes towards the body, sexuality, features of thinking, humor and spontaneity, appearance, hobbies, forms of rest, work and career, everything else.

In other words, an individual is the acquisition of its own unique life that is suitable for us. This process is infinite, it goes on for years, since we are constantly learning something, I get a new experience and continue to change.

A man spoken from toxic parents joins a huge flow of people who independently determine their lives. An individual becomes a constant normal process of knowing itself, manifestations of their abilities and talents, discovering new qualities in the passage of age-related transitions (30 years, 40 years, 50, 60, and so on).

Fears of individual or "where the monsters live"

The process of returning to itself is often accompanied by fear, and this is normal. Here are moments that make worry and fear.

Pace. Any change scares the psyche. Accordingly, the faster changes are going, the stronger the fears. Therefore, the psyche has developed a protective balance: we are separating and pass to an individual acceptable for our mental apparatus. If moving slowly, we are not satisfied with low speed. If too fast – fear makes us slow down. Everyone finds her golden middle.

Sensation of unreality. Another feeling, often accompanying an individual, is the feeling of the unreality of what is happening. For example, a man separating from mother becomes more active at work, offering a solution to the problem with which the department faced. He has a desire to engage in his physical form. Tastes are changing in food, a new hobby appears. At the same time, he feels these changes as something that happens not.

Who am i

It looks like watching the film in which he suddenly became the main character who lives another life. Such a feeling of unreality of naturally, it does not need to be afraid. It means that the psyche is actively rebuilt, absorbing new experience. This is a marker confirming that there is a "rebeling" of a person in accordance with his own goals and desires, the separation and individuals that work simultaneously work simultaneously.


Listed the above fears – these are growth diseases. If you are scared when separating from toxic parents, it means that you are on the right track and you can praise yourself and cheer. Not afraid of the one who is not separated!

An individual is similar to the second birth. As a woman first puts out the fruit, and then worries when the child appears to the light, and we first "wear out" the desire to separate, and then worry, "giving birth" again.

And over time, the psyche becomes more solid. It does not conflict with himself and therefore more stable. We are easier to carry anxiety, we spend less forces on them. Resources are sent to the productive direction, and as a result we feel capable of doing business, earn, build relationships and life.


Actually, individual is the main award bringing satisfaction. Internal stability, improved contact with your needs and body, more stable condition when communicating with people, interest in life. All these changes are becoming a prize for which it is worth separating and seeking real.

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