Who are such emotional-dependent people?
These are those for whom relations with another person are highness. Why so comes out I hope was able to clarify in previous posts. Briefly – because there is no own inner support and the skill of effective self-support, merger and autonomy were not completed as the necessary tasks of development. Often there are no resources for full social implementation, development, since the psyche is vulnerable and is in high stress mode. Always need someone else in order to feel the whole. Happy other depends on a man or suffers from his relationship, presence.
Such people seek the second roles in their own life, and the partner is the main person who determines the mood, condition and well-being. It is important to say that all of us are interrelated and interdependent in one way or another, however, in healthy relations the partner is not the world, as the parent was once. And even if in a relationship with him not everything is smooth, life does not stop and the opportunity to rely on.
Capped people do not know how to take care of themselves, do not recognize their feelings, desires, needs. They are not free. They have badly with borders and good with unconscious ways to get someone else’s love through manipulations and tricks.
Why? Because they can’t ask right. In this case, the risk of refusal and the reliability of the screwdriver along with its own worthlessness and badness. And to cope with the unbearable feelings of shame, guilt, and there is no fear of the resource, because … we return to the beginning about the lack of skill to rely on ourselves. Cycle closed.
And how then live? You can, if you suppress aggression, your own individuality, the right to separate, other. If you build relationships on illusions, fantasies, speculations, projections, expectations. If you do not notice the difference, being an infinite member of the famous triangle – victim, Tiran, rescuer. If you do not accept responsibility for your life, refuse the right to choose and freedom of will. If you live for another, avoiding change and chronically suffering.
Sad, hard, bad, but you can!
There are still interesting outlets, such as regression to a symbiotic merger, approximately as in happy infancy, which sometimes takes such bizarre forms that worthy of a separate post. "The extreme symbiosis, it becomes harder to conduct a clear distinctive line between two personalities".