Who (not) happy birthday?
Some gladly take congratulations, others are disturbed or even disconnect the phone. One way or another, among us there is no one who is indifferent to this date. Why do we do so in different ways to your birthday? And what does it say about us?
"When the father said that I was already born, he immediately went to the kiosk and bought a whole pack of newspapers – a kind of" snapshot "that the world happened that day. Until now, I have been stored this gift, "48-year-old Julian admits.
The only one by definition, this day does not look like everyone else. Number, month, year – this unique combination for us marks the arrival in this world and accompanies throughout life. Like the sound of our name, this day is filled with a completely special, intimate meaning. Is it surprising that none of us is indifferent?
What are we thinking about birthday
"I noticed: already a few weeks before the birthday in the affairs, I start some unpleasant bustle, and for some reason my mood is always spoiled, – 32-year-old Alena is recognized. – I do not know, maybe I don’t like holidays at all, even in the new year I usually try to leave somewhere. "
Reluctance to celebrate (and even more so – his special, personal holiday) always says that some important questions have accumulated in life, which we try not to think about which we can not find. In this sense, the birthday and in fact reminds the new year: he seems to begins a new life cycle.
"Thanks to this date, our own point of reference appears, the reason to summarize and build plans," explains the family therapist Inna Chiffanova. – Someone this inner work can give acceleration, push to the exercise of conceived, and someone can bring to sad thoughts ".
This is understandable: the one whose plans were successful, rejoices on the birthday more than the one who met with failures. However, and they are not inspected. "To understand what we regret, it means to understand what we wanted, – notes the family therapist. – If these desires are still with us, we can look for new opportunities to implement them in the future ".
This day makes us admit: the movement of life is inevitable. But not everyone is ready for change. No wonder on this topic as much jokes: "No first year I have been celebrating my 30th anniversary". And if, say, in the new year, we do a step forward along with other people, then on your birthday it seems to be done alone, only on our own. And the rest remain there as we were all the day before. This, of course, illusion, but she is able to exacerbate the feeling of loneliness, even if we are among friends.
On the birthday, some adds anxiety and faith in the New Year will accept "how to meet – you will spend". When the usual party fails, we are rarely upset for a long time. But if something unpleasant in his own holiday occurs, then we sometimes get upset as if it were ruined the whole next year.
"These are traces of magical thinking inherent in childhood," explains Inna Chifanova. "We are growing up, only realizing that they themselves are able to influence our fate.".
Gifts, congratulations, friends and relatives, wishes of happiness. In childhood, we celebrate the update of the world, which is infinite for us: he was before us and will be after. But the birthday is the date that is inextricably linked and with death.
"These two points determine the earthly life, it is the beginning and end of our" I, "- explains the Jungian analyst Tatiana Reeko. – Birthday every time recalls that the time is not infinite, and the narcissistic infantal part of the person, thirsting for omnipotence, suffers from it. ".
However, an analyst is encouraged, there is a positive side in realizing – ago it is impossible to return, and the past is lost forever: "When we start to understand the boundaries of our capabilities, it only strengthens our" I ".
Holiday for yourself or for others
"Friends have been starting to ask, where and how I am going to celebrate, – 18-year-old Savva is surprised. – I feel strange: this is my holiday, but it turns out that I have the obligations that I have to perform ". It seems that the very idea of the holiday implies a collective pastime. Colleagues, friends and relatives are often waiting for their birthday we note with them. For someone, there is no problem with others on this day: Communication with colleagues or loved ones and is a major pleasure.
"For me, this is rare and because of a particularly valuable reason to collect everyone I love," 26-year-old Maria confesses. "Most often, the occasion of convening guests of the extroverts is happy," said Inna Chiffanova, – those of us who are focused on the world, who likes the role of the company’s soul ". But if this is not just a desire, but the need to be in the center of universal interest, then the reason may be different – in a large lack of attention, which such a person is experiencing the rest. According to the Jungian analytics, "The role of the birthday focuses the deficit, providing legal right to be better than all at least once a year.".
But the main role can be treated, especially if it is conjugate. This also says 28-year-old Kirill: "I don’t like to prepare for the holiday, but every year I expect miracles from this day. I love someone else to prepare a surprise for me ".
In many, the echoes of childhood sound – when the holiday and "miracles" were preparing their parents, and we just had to take their care. Birthday – a kind of adhere test: As far as we are independent, how ready to take care of themselves … and about others.